Today’s episode is a conversation with Samantha Selig. Sam just published her first book, which Dr. MC wrote the forward to her book. Sam and Dr. MC chat about life and dish out some fabulous life lessons and words of wisdom.
As always we love to hear from our listeners! Reach out to podcast@drmcselfcare.com with any questions or topics you’d like to hear about on future episodes.
Additional Resources:
- “She is Sparkling: A Collection of Selections”
- Sam’s website
- Flourish By Dr. Martin Seligman
- The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky
- Better than Before by Gretchen Rubin
- Dr. MC and her collaboration with Nike
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
Speaker 1 00:00:28 Welcome to another episode of Dr. MCs self-care cabaret podcast. I’m Theresa Melito-Conners, a PhD level self-care expert in the greater Boston area with a passion for helping others recognize the importance of caring for themselves. Today’s episode is a conversation with my friend, Samantha or Sam Selig. I met Sam several years ago in a Zumba class. I knew immediately. She was someone I wanted to be friends with her smile, lights up a room. Her energy is infectious, and she’s a good person. We clicked immediately. The first thing she ever said to me was something along the lines of, Hey, you’re a really good dancer, and I hope you don’t mind that I’m going to stand right behind you and stare at you because it’s easier for me to follow along that way, as opposed to watching the teacher I chuckled. But of course, in any future classes together, I made sure to be clear in my movement and exaggerate where I could.
Speaker 1 00:01:22 So my new friend could watch from there, the friendship blossomed. When she announced earlier this year, she was writing her first book. I jumped at the chance to be one of her beta readers and write her forward Sam’s book. She is sparkling a collection of selections volume. One short stories about love loss and life is due out later this year. And I cannot wait for folks to read it. The story she shares in the book contain real life lessons, raw emotion, courage, vulnerability from the person who lived them. She touches upon many universal human struggles in a relatable way, such as grief loss, death failure, body image concerns, weight issues, career changes. Cross-country moves, big dreams, friends, family, and more, all the things that make us human. I am delighted to have Sam with us today on the podcast.
Speaker 1 00:02:28 Welcome, Sam. I’m so excited to have you here on the podcast. Thanks for joining me.
Speaker 2 00:02:32 I Theresa, thank you for having me. I’m super
Speaker 1 00:02:34 Excited. So we’re going to get started right away, right from the get go. I want to know what self-care looks like for you and how you balance all that you do in life.
Speaker 2 00:02:45 First. I want to tell you, I’m really glad you sent this question ahead of time so I can think about
Speaker 1 00:02:48 It. Well, good. I’m glad
Speaker 2 00:02:51 I really awful at taking care of myself. And if I look back on my life, which I’ve been doing a lot of as I’m starting a new job, I’m mentoring someone I’ve been trying to come up with of my story. I think that it’s, it’s such a bad job taking care of myself in my twenties and thirties, I was either one way of being obsessed with a goal and having to hit it, micromanaging what I ate. Micro-managing how long I slept like a managing my time or overindulging and not caring at all. And now cause spend demic, uh, post was your memo. Maybe self care is so much that you prompt every day on my Instagram. So I thank you for that. Can you, can you rest, can you have a snack? Can you go take a long shower? Can you just take a drive?
Speaker 2 00:03:32 Do you need to clear your head? Do you just need some time alone? And I’ve never been somebody who if, especially if you know me is good at being alone and now I’ve gotten a really good thing alone. Like, can I just be peaceful in my thoughts? Can I just practice my breath? Can I just disconnect from the world for even 15 minutes and come back, feeling refreshed and better to take on whatever task I’m doing. So I would say maybe because 2021 is the year of self care and I’m using air quotes folks that can’t see me, but it really is the gear of self-care, which is like Theresa is so popular right now. Capitalizing on self-care a hundred percent
Speaker 1 00:04:05 I think.
Speaker 2 00:04:06 Yes. I think it’s all of a sudden, the little, the little pockets of time you can take to make yourself feel better. That at the end of the day, you think, oh, I get a lot done and I feel good. I don’t feel burnt out. I don’t feel exhausted because I did those little things throughout the day. So,
Speaker 1 00:04:19 So important. You touched on a couple of really important key points that I want to drive home. One is you recognize that maybe in previous years you haven’t necessarily put your needs first. And I think that that’s common. We tend to not do that until either life forces us to kind of face our health or, you know, maybe a global pandemic kind of puts things into perspective. So I actually am somewhat, um, enjoying that people are recognizing the importance of self-care and I’m sorry that it took a global pandemic to get us here, but that people are beginning to recognize the importance and they are saying no, and they’re setting clear boundaries. And I also love that you pointed out small things, little shifts, right? We tend to think that if we can’t do like the extreme, where we can’t do every single thing every single day, then just why bother. But really
Speaker 2 00:05:15 It’s not all or nothing. You didn’t do anything. Right. That’s actually not
Speaker 1 00:05:17 True. Right. And so little things. So tell me a little bit more, like, what are some of the little things like you mentioned breathing or so what does that look like?
Speaker 2 00:05:26 So I am a project manager, uh, as a, as a trade and I would say my job is pretty stressful overall. So I will have moments of like, oh my God, I just over-scheduled myself. Okay, pause. Before I actually go to this meeting, do I need to be there? Am I actually the place where I can be present to be useful? Or could I read the notes and add a comment or two in an email? And that would actually be better for the person who’s hosting the call. So I do that a lot at work. I also do the, Hey, I said I was going to have lunch at this time. Even if you’re not hungry, get off your butt desk, walk around the house. Cause I work from home most times even just get as a different air. I joke get different air knows, like just move to a different room, breathe for a little bit and see what you need to make yourself feel better in that moment and see if you can come back and feel better for the rest of the afternoon. Or there are days when I think, you know what? I have a headache and I need an app. So I will schedule a nap. Hey, 45 minute power nap all for it. Thank you, pandemic. That has been one of the best things I’ve gained from a pandemic.
Speaker 1 00:06:21 I think they call it a disco nap. When you take like a quick little nap, is it 45 minutes? Might be pushing it for a disco nap, but I like it. We’re going to go with it. And I, and I also liked the get different. What was it? Get different air in your nose. I like that. No, it’s true because we tend to sit
Speaker 2 00:06:39 And she’d be like, we’re going to change the air in our nose. Like, okay. I
Speaker 1 00:06:41 Liked that. I liked that. That’s awesome. So I also wanted to make sure we talk a lot about your first book that is coming out. This is so cool. You downplay it, but I think this is amazing. And um, you know, I had the honor of being a beta reader and I wrote you forward, but I want you to share a little bit about, um, the journey and tell us about like how you came up with the idea to put out a book why, and you know, what we can expect. And if you know, kind of the timeline of what works, I know when the book will be,
Speaker 2 00:07:12 Yes, firstly I it’s in summer and now it’s going to be more like fallish. So my joke is my next book is going to be how to write a book because I have learned so much that nobody tells you at the beginning and I’m like, oh, I wish I had known that six months ago, but it’s said something differently. So, uh, so to back up, I’ve been writing honestly, since I was little, I wanted to be a journalist for a very long time. I really figured out maybe at like 14 or 15, I couldn’t just write whatever I wanted. And then I was like, oh, nevermind journalism school. Okay. And I like, I wrote for a newspaper, but for creative lip magazines, um, I have my own blog for years. It was about weight loss. It was about happiness. I kind of would just write about all different things that were relevant at the time.
Speaker 2 00:07:51 And then maybe three or four years ago, it evolved into pulling in music. So there’s an ever evolving soundtrack to my life is my joke. And every personality of every instance of my life would remind me of a song. So I would have a song. And then I would tell a story and throw it up in the blog with a little link to where you could listen to the song. And at some point I thought, oh my God, this will be the book I write. I’m going to write a collection of selections. And it will be like my top 50 stories set to a song. Awesome. I’m off and running. So I started it in 2016 and I have like all the mappings out, it was going to look like a scrapbook. It was going to have this audio component and then life gets in the way it gets life.
Speaker 2 00:08:28 So I just got to put it on the shelf and it never manifested itself into anything. And then in 2020 I lost my mom, which sorry. Um, was horrible. She was my best friend and my absolute favorite person in the world. And she would have been so excited for this that I thought, okay, I have to honor her by actually doing it. I have to honor her. And the way I live and by living, I have to go put this book out. So I said, okay, let’s just do it. 20, 21. We were writing a damn book. I love it. So I pulled together all the stories I wanted and I think I had like a hundred at the time and I called one of my girlfriends. Who’s an editor. And I’m like, I’m going to pay you to edit this. You need to tell me what I can scrap. And she’s like, all right, first and foremost, you’re cutting this in half. This is way too many stories. There will be a volume two. If we need to go here, start telling us just your favorites. Like let’s really call this down. So we called it down to 50 and then I enlisted a, I put a note out to my Facebook asking for beta readers and I want the audience to know what Theresa responded in 30 seconds, flowers
Speaker 1 00:09:25 All over it all
Speaker 2 00:09:27 Over it. We were obviously friends with fitness studio. We had sort of been kept in touch, but I couldn’t believe 30 seconds after posting here. She was, I thought, oh wow, that’s awesome. So flattered. And I got four beta readers total. And I picked four people that really knew me from different parts of my life, figuring, okay, there’s a span of, you know, 15 years of stories we’re covering here. Let’s get some good feedback on whether or not I should even be telling me stories. And in some cases the answer was no, the story doesn’t need to be told anymore, which that right there is a great life lesson from my fear. Some stories happened and in them you learned something and you can move on from it and you don’t need to share it with the world anymore when it comes in. Uh, so I decided to publish through Kendall. Um, everyone said it was very easy spoiler. It’s not very easy unless you are very familiar with the formatting or, uh, Adobe, which I’m not familiar with. So I had to enlist a friend to help Tyler. Who’s been really lovely. So, uh, he made my cover is an amazing artist and put all my little stories together as an actual book did all my editing. And then after the printer we went and I should be published October 1st is our goal again. So
Speaker 1 00:10:35 It’s so exciting.
Speaker 2 00:10:36 It feels really feel though. And I decided to go Kindle and paperback. So it’s going to be like a tangible thing that you get to buy like fully mackerel. I will have a book. I can put up my own bookshelf to say I brought that.
Speaker 1 00:10:48 Well, I think it’s really cool. And I think you downplay it a little.
Speaker 2 00:10:53 I probably do it. So we were at, we had this meeting at work and you have to go around and say like a fun fact about yourself, who honestly, who enjoys saying fun facts, nobody. And I usually say something stupid in this case, I was like, oh, I’m betting my first book. Like I just said, it’s super nonchalantly. Like, oh, it comes out in October and everyone’s like, oh my God, you wrote a book. I was like, God, what’s up? I’m like, oh, I guess.
Speaker 1 00:11:13 Okay, well, yeah, don’t downplay it. And one of the reasons I jumped at the opportunity, well, aside from you being a friend and I would help you with whatever, but I also, like, I don’t think we spend enough time building each other up. And I think especially as women, we tend to, you know, we, sometimes we could, like, I could have easily looked at you writing a book and felt envious of that and been like, oh, she’s writing a book. Why is she writing a book? But I didn’t know. Like, that’s not what I read. I was like, oh my God, like, this is so cool. Like how can I help? She’s looking for help. I’ll help. Like, cause then I think that we need to do more of that. Like more of that helping to build each other up and more building more community.
Speaker 1 00:11:50 So I did, I did jump at the chance and I do remember seeing the post and I maybe spend too much time on Facebook. It’s also the takeaway of this, but you know, I’m excited for you. And I think it’s, I think it was a great accomplishment regardless of the outcome. Like I hope you write a million books and I hope it’s wildly successful, but even if it’s not, you still put this out, this was a goal, you reached it, you achieved it. And I think it’s really, I think it’s really cool. And I can’t wait to have the tangible copy in my hands in another few weeks, hopefully. And
Speaker 2 00:12:20 I have to say, people say, oh, as somebody who’s, metrics-driven like, I’ve lost X amount of pounds in my life. I’ve managed some of the projects. What’s your metric for your book? And I’m like, Nope, just publishing the book as the metric. Did I succeed in publishing it? Check? I don’t care if I sell two copies. That is not the goal. The goal is just to do it. I
Speaker 1 00:12:35 Can guarantee you going. At least that is
Speaker 2 00:12:37 My, my dad was like, I’ll buy at least five stamps.
Speaker 1 00:12:41 I mean, you’re already at six. I mean, I think so. I think you can bump that metric up. No, but seriously. And w we tend to be so hard on ourselves and I recognize that too. And then like, we downplay, like I do the same thing even I’m like, oh yeah, I had a recent collaboration with Nike. Like yeah, no big deal. It’s like, wait,
Speaker 2 00:12:58 I have
Speaker 1 00:13:01 These things are accomplishments and they should be celebrated and such. So how
Speaker 2 00:13:05 Many other people have their PhD? Not that
Speaker 1 00:13:07 A lot. There’s only 2% of the people in the world are actually under 2%, I think, um, that have their PhD and the numbers are even less for women. So there you go. Um, all right, next question. I think you have some really insightful messages in the book and important takeaways. So one that stood out to me is when you talked about how, how not to push and you elaborate it in the book with a great list of times that you tried to push or kind of force something and how that worked out. Can you share a little bit more about that idea?
Speaker 2 00:13:43 I laughed so hard when I read this question because I am someone that Theresa knows this is bossy and pushy, and I want my own way. And for years I had this thing of like, well, I’m just going to make it happen because I decided this is how we’re going to do things, right? Of course that’s how the university of work spoiler that it’s not that the uterus works in some areas of my life. It worked, but it lost. Yep. I was successful when I forced myself to be in, you know, kind of a natural routines, uh, basing exercise, worked for some periods of time pushing my career forward, work for some periods of time. But the backstory of do not push is I was in love with this guy who was a friend and it just kept not working out. And I wasn’t getting the sign from the universe.
Speaker 2 00:14:20 I wasn’t picking it up because sometimes I’m a little dense and I was on the phone with my best friend. And she says, Sam, at some point you have to accept that by not pushing, you’re allowing the universe to unfold as it’s supposed to. And by forcing the outcome, you’re not going to end up with what you think you’re going to end up with. And I’m like, oh, do not push Jules. I hate that. And I looked at my left and there was this massive dump truck. And on the back, it’s a big white, black letters. And I thought, okay, got it. Do not push. Got it. So he’s still a friend he’s married to somebody else. And I am so happy. I did not marry him. Think about this. And I hope he doesn’t hear this because I feel terrible. But I think about this often, like, I am really glad we didn’t end up together cause I probably would have killed him. He would
Speaker 1 00:15:02 Metaphorically. Of course,
Speaker 2 00:15:06 I know, watch a lot of PSI, but I would never actually come over. Uh, yeah, no. So I I’m really thankful for something somethings that didn’t work out. And I think there’s this whole concept along with Jenna push, uh, unanswered prayers. There’ve been things I have prayed so hard for, and then I don’t get them. And I look back and think that was really fortunate. I’m really glad that didn’t work out because it would’ve changed the trajectory of my life in a way I wouldn’t have wanted, or it would a compromise. Some part of myself, I am happy. I still have.
Speaker 1 00:15:32 Totally. No, I think it’s an important reminder. And we may go with, do not push as the episode title. Cause I do really like that. And I think it’s important because we tend to focus and push and like we think we know what we want. We think we know what it is. And sometimes we don’t and then we were up against we’re hitting constant obstacles and roadblocks things should, should kind of unfold easy. That doesn’t mean
Speaker 2 00:16:00 It’s no, it should just be, see, it’s so funny. My best friend, her sister said with Africa, I’ve dated, it’s been really difficult and it’s been a struggle. And with her now husband who she loves, it’s just easy. James is just easy to be with. And I thought, oh, that’s such a good takeaway. Like you and Jeff are good together. Cause it’s easy. You’re just good together. And it’s easy to be with them. And he puts up with your craziness. You put up with, I don’t know what just flaws are. Cause I don’t know, Joel has no flaws, but it’s easy, right? Like if someone that you could get the loan to and you could just be happy with and you didn’t have to force them anything, you don’t have to be a fake version of yourself. You’re just yourself and take it to the,
Speaker 1 00:16:34 And there’s a good balance. But even outside of the relationship domain, even if we apply this to other areas of life too, like with career and stuff, like sometimes we get focused on like, oh, this is what I want. I got to push, push, push, and then you’re hitting roadblocks and it’s not working. That doesn’t mean that like everything happens easy and without, without challenge, but there’s a difference between like letting it be easy and letting it unfold and going with it. And then constantly just bashing your head against the wall and pushing for something or trying to force something that just isn’t happening. And I find that things that are meant for me kind of they’ll find me and that they’ll
Speaker 2 00:17:13 And sometimes I don’t want them at first. And I think like, oh, that’s the, what I want. Like that is not how I embedded this being, but I do it that I think, oh my God, that was awesome. I’m really glad I took that chance or talk to that person or went on that interview, whatever the case may be. I think the universe kind of presents you with what you’re supposed to be doing. Even if you don’t recognize it at the time and you can look back and say, oh, I didn’t think I wanted that, but I’m really glad I did that. Right. I’m really glad I went to work at Starbucks because I met Jess. Like there you go. You know, you could do some little like Starbucks was probably not an enjoyable job.
Speaker 1 00:17:43 Actually. I met really wonderful people. So I look back fondly on my barista days. Not only did I get a husband out of it, but a few of my still close friends we met all met during that time period, as a brief for my listeners that don’t know us. They don’t always talk about this, which is no big deal. But, um, before I was going to grad school, the first time trying to remember where this was in the timeline. So before I earned my master’s in school counseling, I needed a second job. And I went to the local Starbucks that had just been built on route one in Saugus, Massachusetts. And, um, I was hired and I met my future husband and one of my best friends and other wonderful people there. So it wasn’t the worst. I do recommend getting a second job at Starbucks. If you’re looking for love,
Speaker 2 00:18:29 That is our secondary
Speaker 1 00:18:30 Thing. Oh, that’s excellent. I think, I think it’s an important thing to kind of remember when we think about challenges that we face and obstacles and really what is best for us and what is, and it may not be what we think it is, but the universe is directing us. And to be open to that in another one of your chapters and this really stuck with me and this had me thinking after reading it to you ask, when were you the happiest? And that made me really reflect because I think that we don’t do that often. And we tend to just kind of get wrapped up in everything and everything we have to do. But it’s really, it’s interesting to think about like when were you the happiest? So can you tell me a little bit more about that?
Speaker 2 00:19:13 I can give you the quick back story. So one of my girlfriends, she travels for a living and she had been in Seattle on a six week stint and then moved back home where, but she was living at the time. I think it was Iowa and we kind of disconnected, both changed jobs. And then she reached out and said, I’m moving back to Seattle. And I’m like, really? You were there for six weeks. She’s like, no, no, Sam, it’s the happiest I’ve ever been in my life for those six weeks. I got up every day, I had a routine, I went for a walk. I loved being near the water. It was my perfect life. And I thought, wow, that’s impressive. I don’t know that I’ve ever had that before. And I kind of did this inventory of my life. Like when was that the happiest?
Speaker 2 00:19:48 And of course you could say, like, it was a big milestone. When I got my PMP, I graduated college. I paid off my debt, whatever it may be, but it’s probably not. It’s probably a really innocuous day. That was just awesome or a week. That was really great. And then I thought, okay, could I be happy or happier with just changing small things? It’s like, we talked about taking breaks and self care and at the same vein, do I need to go out and spend $4 on a weekend to be happy? Probably not. I could probably go for an ambulance drive with the playlist and a girlfriend and a cup of coffee and have a really great day. So what are those things that kind of make me the happiest that are also good for my mental health and easy to do and not like go to Disney world at that’s not always accessible, right? So it is
Speaker 1 00:20:30 The happiest,
Speaker 2 00:20:33 Happiest place on earth. Honestly, I’ve actually only been there once when I was four, but I am told us the happiest place on earth. So I made this list of what, the kind of things that make me the happiest and then compare the things that ended up your day. And I still try to do that every couple of months to say like, how could I be happier? Especially seasonally summer was difficult. I was trying to both sell and buy a house. And I was really stressed out and I kept thinking, okay, in the middle of this chaos, how can I be happier today? And I think people maybe don’t think about it, a daily thing you’re doing. Could it be going to yoga that make you happier yet? Could it be letting yourself get some sleep? Could it be that you’re just tired? Like, could it be, you need to see more people that bring you happiness and make you excited to be around them. Uh, could it be that you’re doing stuff just because you think you have to have, and maybe you don’t have to anymore. Like I have a lot of friends that are there in a book club or they’re doing an activity that they actually kind of hate. If you hate something, stops,
Speaker 1 00:21:24 Stop doing things you don’t like doing,
Speaker 2 00:21:29 You are an adult. You don’t have to be friends with people. You don’t like anymore. Shocking as it may be.
Speaker 1 00:21:34 That’s some really good self care advice right there. But it is true that like, we don’t, we tend to focus on negative. We just, we grind and we go and we’re busy, busy, busy. And we’re like, and we don’t take a minute to just make sure we’re happy. Like, and it sounds so silly because it’s like, oh, I’m happy. I want to be happy. But like, it’s not like you have to do things that bring you joy that bring you happiness, whatever you want to call it. Um, but it’s really important. And I like how you talked about kind of the, the shift there with that. And I think we can even, I’ll share one of my favorite mindfulness practices for folks. If you, the end of the day, or even partway to maybe during lunch, like whenever you want to do it, see if you can find one thing that day that went well, what went well?
Speaker 1 00:22:26 Cause we tend, what do we worry about when we, when the Workday ends, what are we, what are we telling our husband, our partners, our family, about we’re complaining usually about everything that went wrong. We usually don’t focus on something, even a small thing. Maybe your coffee was delicious. Like it can be something small, but try to shift and find what went well. There’s actually research to support that when you do things like that. And even when you practice gratitude, it actually rewires your brain to promote more happiness. So the more you do this and build the skill, it actually will make you feel better and better over time. The more you engage in it. So I love that.
Speaker 2 00:23:05 No, I love that my, um, my best friend and I had this period, maybe 2019, where we would text each other. If I have happy things every day, I love that. I almost feel like I should get back to doing it because there were days when it was like Juliet is a struggle to find five things to be happy about. But I am trying, here are five things and some of them are pathetic, but I don’t care. Right? Like I watched married at first sight and that baby happy, whatever. Uh, but I think it’s important to find what are those things that you got a boost from during the day, instead of just complaining to your point, because it’s really easy to say, oh my God, my boss was so annoying and this team is that they’re going to want them to when I had to move by office six times.
Speaker 1 00:23:39 Right. And that’s where we tend to focus our energy. I love that. So you and your friend every day would test five things,
Speaker 2 00:23:46 Five happy things. And I’ll tell you the list. It was really a sad five.
Speaker 1 00:23:50 I feel aggressive to start. I’m going to be honest. I think if folks are hearing this and want to start, even if
Speaker 2 00:23:56 One would be lovely
Speaker 1 00:23:58 Kids, one thing every day,
Speaker 2 00:24:01 My brother is one of my best friends and he will, he’s kind of a complainer. So he will come off and be like, oh, today. And I’ll always say, what was, was there any good things that happened? And I’m like, yeah. Okay. There was a couple and you can find these ones, the things I should do that with him, I can find is one good thing. First.
Speaker 1 00:24:15 I like that. Well, sometimes I’ll say too, like in, in my work life, it’s like, this is always a lot of what we can’t do. I’ll be like, all right. So tell me what we can do. I got a good handle on all the families
Speaker 2 00:24:26 Budget constraints. Yes. We have resource constraints. Everybody has those
Speaker 1 00:24:31 Can we do. That’s really what I care about. So it’s a shift to do that. And that really gets into developing a growth mindset and stuff like that. But I think we can start really small, um, with even just every day, but just write it down if you don’t want to text it to somebody, um, if folks want to do folks should comment, we’ll put up a thread on, on Facebook about this so they can email me. Like, I want to hear what you’re happy about.
Speaker 2 00:24:55 You’re gonna be
Speaker 1 00:24:55 Totally small because it’s important. And it will actually make us feel better and more productive. And when the more we can engage with happiness and, um, life, that way, I’ll also put a few books in the episode. Recommendations is, um, I’ve read a few books on this topic, like flourish by Martin Seligman or, uh, the how of happiness is another really good one. Um, the folks may enjoy about, they’re more about positive psychology and stuff like that, but that’s what, we’re what we’re talking about here. Um,
Speaker 2 00:25:29 Just one big Gretchen Rubin, but I’m Googling to try to find the name of, okay, it’s called better than before, better than before. The whole shtick is how you can just be a little happier the next day than you were the day before a bit,
Speaker 1 00:25:41 It’s a little bit, one of our other podcasts episodes of folks, um, have heard it. We did talk about, you know, the intentionality and how you get to choose how you feel and you can choose when you wake up in the morning to be joyful or to be happy or to just be okay. Like we don’t have to go too crazy if like happiness, happiness might be a leap. That’s fine. Maybe we just feel okay. Well, we feel
Speaker 2 00:26:05 Good to the possibility of it being a good day. Right?
Speaker 1 00:26:08 Excellent. One of the other things you shared in the book, and I think the quote was from your aunt and it was something along the lines of, you might not pass by this way again. And I thought that was just really beautiful in that, you know, grasp a hold of life and those experiences. So I was wondering if you can share just a little bit more about that.
Speaker 2 00:26:29 I will suddenly have two tattoos. That is my first it’s on my back and it’s my aunt’s quote. So she was married to my uncle. They lived in Michigan and she was from the south. She was just like Spitfire red hair, Southern draw, super sassy. And people go visit them in the summer. And she would take us all around Michigan. We go like far road trips. It got to Mackinaw island out to the rectal hall of fame. Like she was always up for whatever everyone wanted to go do. But if we were driving someplace and sell something cool, I would say, oh, that’s cool. We should stop. And way back she would stop the car and be like, no, no, you might not pass by this way. Again, you got to get out and look at it now. And of course in a moment you’re so annoyed because you’re like, I don’t want to get out of the damn car, but every time we get out of the car, something awesome would go and we would find a really cute fruit stand and we would find a little like niche-y shop, we’d find a cool ice-cream place.
Speaker 2 00:27:14 Like some kind of little knickknack you bought or you’d see a really pretty sunset. So over the course of all these trips, we would always, oh, you might not pass by this way again. And in the case of Michigan, because it’s so damn big because so many highways and byways, you usually didn’t come home the same way. So if you didn’t stop right, then you might not actually go buy it again. So physically it was an actual, Hey tangibly, if you want to get out of the car and do this now is
Speaker 1 00:27:37 Your chance to get
Speaker 2 00:27:39 To back this way. But I kind of adopted it as my life mantra because so many things in life I either didn’t feel ready for. Or I would talk myself out of being worthy of and say like, no, no, that’s not right for me. That’s right. For somebody else. Or there would be promotions that I would literally be saying, my coworkers were more deserving of that. I was, and I had a moment where I was like, what the hell am I doing? Like life is passing me by. And if I don’t jump on and start taking a hold of these things, I’m gonna be 60 and looked back thinking, God, I wish I had done more things. Like I wish I had, you know, Carpay DNS a little bit more. So instead of seizing the day more and the kind of long story, long story short, I had got to sit here in Michigan and she was actually sick.
Speaker 2 00:28:17 She had a pediatric cancer. And while we were visiting, she asked if I had been living in a shared mantra, like, what have you done, girls? When I last saw you? And I said, oh, when I was in Georgia, I went and found peaches, like just drive out and buy supplies to get peaches. When I was in San Diego, I went and found a place that made recycled surfboard jewelry. I bought myself a pair of hearing fun. I was literally trying to like live our shared monster, right? Like just go find something cool and go do it right. If I saw something cool, I would stop. I stopped at yard sales. I stopped at random places to take pictures of sunsets. So I tried to live our shed mantra. Now, since she passed, I still try to do the same thing. So, uh, you might not pass by this way again, in life or physically on the road. So make sure you stop. I love it.
Speaker 1 00:28:57 And be open to that spontaneity of life and that excitement and I love, you know, I was going to say, it sounds very seized, the moment Carpe diem ask. So I liked that. Um, you kind of do that parallel for us cause it’s just, but it’s really beautiful and you may not pass by this way again, but it becomes a delicate balance. I think back to when we were just talking about though, like not push, but like, cause we want to be opened opportunities, but not like not in a forceful way. Right. And not like in a push pushy way, we can let it unfold, but also be open that’s when that’s like where the magic happens. Right. And that’s where we,
Speaker 2 00:29:34 Sometimes I get really excited about something and I end up running it for myself. So I will hear of an opportunity, I will think. Okay. I guess I’d be interested that, but I will try to think to myself. Okay. Don’t push because you don’t want to seem too aggressive. Right? Like as a woman you’re taught not to seem too aggressive. And then I get in my head about it and I lose the magic. So I have to kind of remember to don’t push, but still be excited when something presents itself and just go with it, you know, be open to it being better than you could have thought without having to overanalyze it. Right.
Speaker 1 00:30:02 And when it comes to pushing or forcing other things too, it’s okay to take a step back and think maybe this isn’t, what is this trying to teach me? Like, maybe this isn’t the path. Like I thought this was it for me and I was going in this direction, but now I’m hitting so many roadblocks. So what is the lesson here? Maybe this is redirecting me to something bigger and better.
Speaker 2 00:30:23 I just joked that I was trying to, you know, buy and sell a house over the summer. So I owned my parents’ house. I was trying to sell their house and then buy a bigger house for my dad with an in-law and for my brother who still lives with me. And we put in 16 offers and we get tonight every single time. And then we were getting offers on our house that were really low and had contingencies. And I finally had a moment where I’m like, Nope, the universe is telling me to scrap this and renovate. So I scrapped it and decided to renovate. And I will say within 24 hours I found a contractor and architect. That’s a great example. And I thought, okay, obviously I was not letting it Dawn on me that this one was supposed to be doing. Um, and mentioned, my mom had passed. I swear to God she’s and I haven’t been like how long I’m trying to tell you, not listening to me. Right. So like message received. Got it. Let’s renovate. And now literally everything has been so seamless that I’m like, oh, this is what I was supposed to be doing. I just was not picking it up, falling over.
Speaker 1 00:31:16 It’s a place that’s beautiful. Yeah. No, that’s it that’s a great example. I was trying to think of like an example, if we could share like something like, um, you know, the, we could come up with, and I know like for myself, different times different like career things and different things that have happened and even, okay. I actually, I just come up with an example at one point after I finished my master’s, I was still trying to kind of find myself and actually, actually this was before I embarked on the master’s program, excuse me. I was doing film work in Boston. I was working as an extra in Hollywood feature films, which sounds very glamorous. It was at times. But, um, it was doing commercials. Like I kinda, I was traveling back and forth to New York for auditions. Like that’s kind of where this was many, many years ago.
Speaker 1 00:31:58 And I thought this was kind of where my life was headed, but it was, I was hitting roadblocks, lots of roadblocks. Then I decided I was going to go to law school. I decided that, you know what, I’m just going to go to law school. So I studied for the LSATs. I did terrible on them. I did not get into law school. And I was just like, what is going on? And then I had someone that I worked with at the time and I kind of took a step back and she was like, I, she actually told me that she told this other kind of mentor person that I look up to and someone who’s another educational expert leader. And she’s like, oh, I told so-and-so that you were going to go to law school. And he said, that’s a tremendous loss for education. And I thought, whoa, what, what did wait?
Speaker 1 00:32:42 Huh? Like I was taking a bag and it made me take a step back. And then I really looked at the work I was doing at the time, like the theater stuff was, was side at this time, but I was really loving the work that I was doing. And I realized that it was very aligned with being a school counselor. So I applied for the school counselor. I took the Miller assessment that you had to take all the things I got right into grad school for the school counseling, like with ease got in. And then the path from there has really unfolded. And although, you know, the Dr MC stuff is in self care or I’m always though looking to support teachers. I also work in public education now I, and I’ve had really wonderful, unique experiences if I had really pushed and pushed for that law school thing, I probably eventually would got into law school and would have been successful as a lawyer maybe,
Speaker 2 00:33:30 But you might’ve been exactly.
Speaker 1 00:33:32 So, but that, that’s a, that’s an example of, you know, I kind of saw the path one way, but there were roadblocks. And then I had to kind of step back and really look at what I was doing and what brought me happiness and what aspects that I like. And the theater stuff was also, I was hitting roadblocks with that as well. And that was, that was taking the joy out of something that brings me a lot of joy dancing and performing. Like, I love that, but as like a hobby, like that’s a sacred space for me and to try and do it at that level was taking any joy and any fun out of it. So I was like, this is not working. So anyway,
Speaker 2 00:34:09 And then it becomes a chore and what do we do with chores?
Speaker 1 00:34:12 And that’s not, it’s not good for anybody. It’s not good for anybody’s self-care. But anyway, I also want you to make sure that you tell us where folks can find you and engage with you. Folks want to buy your book. We’ll make sure that that gets linked in the episode notes. I think you have a website now. So tell us where we can find you.
Speaker 2 00:34:32 So I guess I decided I was doing a WordPress and I decided to be a big girl and get a real website. So I have a real website now, uh, and I will give a shout out to my wonderful web designers. Uh, let’s design. Your site is their name. They’re amazing. Jesse and Dave Deva, husband, wife, couple in New Hampshire. So it’s, she is sparkling back home. They did all my pretty design work. Uh, my logo was made by my awesome, um, artist friend who also has a book cover Ella Donnelley. So book will be available on my website on Amazon, which is kind of cool to say, Hey, go to Amazon and with Neil Smith to say like, okay, and then I have a little Instagram that I’ve been trying to put stuff up on the victim to do a feature on some of my beta readers. I’ll feature the three podcasts because I really have learned so much about my own self care since you started doing that. So I’m grateful for you to be posting that and, uh, yeah, thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 00:35:18 Excellent. So we’ll make sure that’s all linked. And you said she is sparkling.com
Speaker 2 00:35:24 And my moniker forever. She is sparkling. That’s what I thought, but I wanted to be my moniker on every website except one where I’m like, who’s the other person that had
Speaker 1 00:35:32 Hi. We need to know, we need to find that person by that domain or whatever it is that they have and do it now soon. No, just kidding. Anyway. And do we have a release date in mind? Fall in?
Speaker 2 00:35:45 We’re hoping for, yeah, but yeah, we’re hoping that I prefer, so what we’ll say October. No, I’m hoping to get it. Yeah, well, but again, up in the store by the first and then I think it’s available as of that day. So kind of exciting two very exciting.
Speaker 1 00:35:56 Yes, very exciting. So we’ll make sure all that information is included. Thank you so much, Sam, for joining us here today on the Dr. MC self care cabaret podcast, it was the light bill to chat with you.
Speaker 1 00:36:13 It was so much fun to chat with Sam on the podcast. Her book is now out and available on Kindle and a printed version. She is sparkling a collection of selections volume one, be sure to check it out and don’t skip past the forward. That’s a Dr. MC original. I’m so thrilled for my friend having achieved her goal. There are lots of little tips and takeaways in this episode to help us on our journey of self-care such as texting a friend five things daily, to be happy about. That’s win-win all around. As you will also engage in the relationship domain of self care by doing this as well. And if you can think of five things, maybe you just text one thing that you’re happy about. One of my favorite takeaways is the idea of letting it be easy. It’s a great reminder. And I always try to think this way, when you push the results will often not be what you wanted and or they may be fleeting.
Speaker 1 00:37:09 And I encourage you to think about when were you the happiest, what were you doing and how can you invite more of that into your life now? And remember, it can be a small tweak or little shift that you make to boost your happiness. This is a very powerful practice. So let the journey unfold and enjoy the ride. Thanks for listening to this episode. Remember to subscribe and rate to this podcast on your preferred player, the ratings help us grow and share the message of self-care. If you have comments, suggestions, or questions, you can reach out directly by emailing podcast at Dr. MC self care.com that’s D R M C self care.com and come join the cast party at Dr. MC self care cabaret on Facebook and Instagram at Dr. MC self care or my website, Dr. MC self care.com and be sure to like subscribe and love me across all my social media platforms for the most up-to-date information on. Self-care see you next time. Stay well and do good.